Thursday, February 24, 2011

In the spirit of Mardi Gras

I went rummaging through my top drawer last night (OK get your mind out of the gutter, I keep lots of things in my top drawer, right next to my condoms) and uncovered a few short stories from highschool that I'd kept. Well, I figure since they're pretty decent, especially considering how they're all about 3-4 years old, I may as well publish them here.

Now I know you're thinking "what in the name of Guy Pearce in drag does this have to do with Mardi Gras?" Well, the first story that I'm going to publish was written around the time of Mardi Gras, 2007, when I was in year 10 (holy shit I am so old...). OK so I guess that's a bit of a stretch and I got you all excited for Mardi Gras related stuff so if you're really good and read my story, I'll give you some pictures! OK?

Actually, just quickly I need to explain the assignment. We were set homework for the Monday after Mardi Gras. The assignment was to write a short story in the style of Jane Austen. So me, being a little bit insolent and a lot obnoxious, wrote this- a story about getting homework for the weekend of Mardi Gras.

Note: Mardi Gras is referred to as "The Taylorfield Ball"- Taylor Square? Geddit?

Jane Austen Gets Homework

"My dear Mrs. Long," said her student to her one day. "Have you not heard that Taylorfield Ball is to be held this Saturday night? It is sure to be a most festive occasion, and your students cannot be expected to complete such a task as you have set us, in light of our previous engagements. Indeed, one might assume, given the complexity of your wishes, that we would never find ourselves able of completion!"

Mrs. Long replied that she had not heard such a thing, and was quite surprised that one could take such an attitude to a compulsory task. Unless of course, one was hoping to be detained later than her teachings would generally allow.

The student abruptly ceased her protest, decided to herself that Mrs. Long was far to proud, and she wanted nothing more to do with a person of such intolerable character.

The student turned to the young lady next to her, with whom she was rather intimate, to discuss in hushed voices, how insufferable it was to have such an alarmingly large amount of work to complete over the coming weekend. Especially as it was to be the weekend of the Taylorfield Ball! Such an occasion only came once in a twelve-month, and there were sure to be many considerable male prospects attending. Even if enough time were attainable, surely the girls' brains would be far too addled from that consumed the night before? Most unfortunately, the task was unavoidable, and the girls would have to work tirelessly until it was completed.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that on a weekend that is to be particularly eventful, one's teacher finds it neccesary to set homework.


See? Such a snot! Oddly enough this teacher LOVED me. In year 11 she actually took one of my storied to read to her year 12 class, promising to photo copy it and give it back. She never gave it back. She still reads it to her senior classes.

So, I guess I promised it:

iOTA in Hedwig and The Angry Inch.

He also played Frankenfurter in the Aussie stage show of Rocky Horror.

(Yeah I'm pretty much in love with this man...)

Guy Pearce may be even hotter as a girl?

The above are three reasons why you should come to Sydney next weekend. And to think, I WORK on Oxford St.

-m xx

1 comment:

  1. I take the time to read your story and you reward me with... well I wouldn't call it a reward! And you just gave me three reasons not to come to Sydney next weekend. :P

    When I hear Mardi Gras, I immediately think of boobs and beads. So where are the boobs and beads? And no, MOOBS DON'T COUNT. lol... You were a snot to your teacher.