They finally arrived! and checked out the next day.
Now I have new room mates. 5 boys. Yes. 5 boys in a 6 bed dorm. i didn't even know I was in a mixed dorm! And there's an ensuite which would normally be fabulous but sharing a bathroom with boys? No thanks.
Reasons why my current living situation is bad include, but are not limited to:
1. They smell
2. They seem to think that leaving the windows shut and spraying lynx everywhere will solve all unpleasant odours.
3. They complain when the room smells, yet leave dirty socks/shirts/towels lying around everywhere. THERE'S A LINK BETWEEN THE SMELL OF FEET AND YOUR SOCKS LYING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR. And I shouldn't have to be the smart one to suggest OPENING THE WINDOW. Jeez...
4. Post-face-shave hairs end up in the strangest of places. Examples include, but are not limited to: in the sink, on my toothbrush, in the shower, in my water bottle, on the floor (and therefore on my feet, and therefore in my bed/shoes/stockings etc. etc.)
5. There's always a snorer in a room full of boys. I don't know why but boys seem to snore more. That and they're more likely to snore like defective chainsaws than cute little puppies dreaming of chasing butterflies (if my ladylike self lapses into snoring on a rare occassion, I assume that's what the sound resembles. That or the gentle buzz or a hummingbird.)
To paint the scene:
Girl snoring: jgh jgh jgh.... jgh.... hhhhmmmm.... jgh. jgh. *silence for extended period of time, like she was never smoring at all*
Boy snoring: HIOSETIOGNNKGVMIAOPWHRGNBJNJFGJGRHIOEROHIGYHOGEROHIGROH. GHGHGHGHGHGHGHJJJJGHGHGHG!!!!!!!!!... GHGHGHgjgjgjgjgsifjGHGGHG! *cue scream of sleep deprived women around the world, waking up from blissful dream of Christian Louboutin shoes to find that no, the sky is not falling, it's not an air raid, it's just the boy in the bed above in severe need of some nasal spray*
I recommend earplugs.
6. Boys seem to have no qualms AT ALL about... expelling certain smells, liquid or solids... around others. They just don't care. It's like they're PROUD if the whole room smells for hours after they're in the bathroom. And if they are concerned, they just empty a can of Lynx (or Axe, since we're in Europe) and problem solved! It. Doesn't. Work. It just smells worse!
Repeat steps one to six again and again to achieve the perfect brew of neuroses.
I mean, don't get me wrong. I've shared with boys before. In fact I spent two weeks sharing a dorm with up to 6 boys. Door to door sales reps might I add. Excercise, excessive use of foot-sweat glands etc. etc. But that wasn't so bad for a few reasons, and I'll tell you:
1. I knew them.
2. The toilets/showers was separate from the room, in fact in an entire different building, and they were gender specific.
3. Yes, they did spray chocolate lynx everywhere (that one always gives me a headache...) and leave filthy socks in strange places (on the window sill?) but at least they knew how to open said window.
So, in conclusion, I'm going to spray my perfume wherever the hell I like, and spend half an hour getting ready every morning, and leave my half finished sewing projects lying around (see leather shorts, two posts ago), because I am a girl. And nothing I do can be more annoying or inconveniant than the manblitz that I have been subjected to.
- m xx