I have a history of being a flake.

I found my old diary the other day. It's one of the main reasons I avoid cleaning my room, aside from sheer complacency of course. I always find it and settle down for a good read. An hour or two later, it's suddenly dark, my room is no cleaner that it was and I'm no longer filled with the motivation I'd miraculously mustered to clean my room in the first place. Mostly, at this point, I leave my room.

(In fact I still can’t see my carpet.)

Often, I decide to start writing in my diary again. It happens almost every time, and I set to it with great enthusiasm for a couple of weeks at most. Slowly, the entries dry out. Then, inexplicably, they stop. Sometime down the track I clean my room and the cycle continues.
The worst bit is, I know I'm going to go back and read my diary in the future. Past experience has shown that if I have something to encourage my procrastination, I sure as hell am going to. Because of this, every time I start writing again my first entry is always of the "what's happened since the last time I wrote, that incredibly long, yet fast gone 6 months/2 years ago" variety.

So, this time, as per usual, I started writing again. In fact, I had to find a new, empty notebook because my original leather bound diary that my sister brought back to me from Italy, that I wrote in, on and off for three and a half years (or three boyfriends in love-life chronology) is completely out of blank pages. In fact, the last few entries are on loose pages. I wrote every night when I went to bed, for three days. I had so much updating to focus on, that I didn’t really write. You know? I wrote, and I recounted but I was sort of clutching at straws to find something actually bothering me. Now, I haven’t written in a few days and of course now I have TOO MUCH to write about so by the time I finish covering one thing I’ll forget the next thing I wanted to write about.

So that is why I am really bad at keeping diaries. If you been here a few times you’ll know that I can also be really bad a keeping a blog. Like my diary, I can post every day for a week then remain silent for two. But that’s just how I work. I can’t write on a schedule, as much as I would love to. I mean- who doesn’t love schedules? Especially the kind you can colour code with scented highlighters from Smiggle!

But my creative side doesn’t work that way. So be it.

-m xx