Oh, and p.s.

I believe I mentioned the other day that I waxed a friend's chest? Well, large chunks of it were filmed, and lovely Jared has edited it into a 6min film of pain and awesomeness.

If you have never heard my voice, you may freak out a bit. I don't talk much but I know that when reading a blog you get an idea in your head of what a person sounds like and if I don't meet that expectation I'm sorry! As a special treat, you may even hear me sing a bit! So please, don't have a mental breakdown over my man-voice and the weird accent I sometimes adopt when on video. I don't mean to do it.



En.Joy.

-m xx

P.S. pay close attention to the scene where Jared waxes a strip. I instruct him on how to do it, specifically saying "do not pull up." What does he do? And Andy ends up with a square hickey on his chest from it.

P.P.S mushroom nailpolish featured heavily in the vid.

'Tis the season

As far as Christmas goes, this year was fair decent. Pimm's and lemonade, cheap bubbly made classy with gold, a hell of a lot of gravy, home made apple pie, potato bake, and eating way too much. Christmas used to involve celebrations with my dad's side of the family. But since they're all strewn around NSW and Queensland and generally suffer from laziness and no doubt and unwillingness to see each other, I haven't been subjected to the big Brown gathering for a number of years. That, coupled with the fact that I can drink as much as I like now, means Christmas has improved the last couple of years.

I did visit my paternal Grandmother this year though. Something I don't do very often (because it's unbearable, basically. Torture) and recently she was placed in a nursing home due to problems with her heart. Wasn't a very cheerful place to be at Christmas time, with all the old people hobbling around muttering, but I now know what an adult diaper looks like! (not my Nan's. Thank god.) Let's hope I don't wake up one day, age 80 and realise my grandchildren, and some of my children, can't stand to be around me.

If you can't have goldflakes in your champagne at Christmas, when can you?

On a cheerier note, NYE today! I'm fairly excited. Just heading to a house party in the Eastern suburbs, near Coogee beach. Last night we found out it's been declared an (optional) toga party at the last minute. I already have a dress which I purchased especially, and am rather fond of, but am slightly dissapointed at not wearing a toga. If I'd knownb a few weeks ago, I would have been on that. I would have made it my mission to style that toga to the point of maximum awesomeness. But I have many years ahead of me and I'm sure there's another toga party somewhere in the future.

How long does a candle last?

About a wick!

This week, my nails are a pale pearlescent pink, with white glitter top coat- glitter and NYE just work! I'm hoping to get a tonne of photos tonight, once I find my camera that is. I think it might be at my other house... I'm trying to decide whether taking my SLR is a good idea. I don't want it getting broken/sticky/stolen/lost. We'll see.

See you next year!

-m xx

Merry Xmas!

I don't really like Christmas all that much.

So I'm not going to talk about it.
Here, have a video instead!



Happy Holidays and all that politically correct crap.

-m xx

Mushroom.

OK, so I have a wee tendency to get a bit obsessive over completely insignificant things sometimes. The best example of this is my nails. I paint them. Every single Monday. Even whilst travelling around Europe, my weekly DIY manicures rarely went off track. I haven't left the house with unpainted nails in who knows how long.

Because of this, I have a serious impulse purchase weakness for nailpolish. I mean, I'm even one of those slightly odd people who pay attention to nail colour trends, and am always on the lookout for something new and unique (example: OPIs "shatter." Black top coat that shrinks as it dries to create a shattered effect- I NEED this in my life, I HAVE to find it. Coolest.)

I mean, just today I bought two nailpolishes while I was supposed to be Christmas shopping. Yellow, which I've been meaning to buy for aaaaaaaaages (trend. see?) and a shimmery white colour, because a) glittery nail polish is (apparently) acceptable again and b) NYE is around the corner and if you can't wear glitter on NYE, when can you?

Honestly, I think if I removed my nail polish and didn't repaint the that same evening my world might just implode. Sometimes, I plan the next colour I'll use days ahead. That said, because I paint them weekly, as opposed to when I randomly feel like it, I never match them to my outfits. I actually cry a little inside if my nails are the same colour as something I'm wearing. It unsettles me. Throws off my day and can ruin my enjoyment of my outfit. Yupp, I'm a freak.

Now I've got that off my chest... I got a New Job! So I got let go last Monday, half-heartedly applied for a couple of things on Tuesday, that same day got called in for an interview on Wednesday and got the job on Thursday. Yes, it happens that fast. Anyway so it's a telemarketing role for Starshots (glamour photography studio chain) whereby I make bookings for them. This was one of my roles at You Studios, the place I worked before going overseas so it'll be easy to pick up. I start in Jan and actually have a photoshoot as part of my training. And no, I'm not just observing- I'm the model. I was so shocked today when I found that out. And of course, tehey won't know I'm the telemarketer, so I can get the same experience as any other customer and all that crap. I'm kind of excited but also super nervous because I feel pretty awkward on the other side of the camera.

It's only a part time role, probably only about 15hours a week, but they're hoping that it will be quite long term. And since I'll be studying photography, I may be able to move on from telesales and into a photography role after some time. Exciting stuff indeed.

So that's the real reason for posting, but I needed to get the nailpolish thing off my chest. And as a special treat, I'll be telling you all what colour my nails are every week (yay!).

This week: mushroom. I love it, it goes with basically everything without actually being mathcy matchy. If you're nail kit is lacking mushroom polish (grey/brown, often with purple undertones) GO BUY SOME RIGHT NOW. It may possibly change your life.

-m xx

UPDATE: So yesterday evening,w hile at a freind's place waxing another friend's chest (no, not kidding. It took about 3 hours) a THIRD friend (oh gosh I have so many) remarked on my nailpolish. My mushroom nailpolish.
Sounding rather skeptical, he quipped "your nails are... brown..."
To which I of course replied that they weren't "brown" and were in fact "mushroom." "Duh."

And they're now coated in a strange mix of wax and talcum powder.

They rapin' errbody

Firstly, finally put photos up of the latest Marlow gig. They are, as usual, on my photo blog.
Secondly, have a present.



The bit at the end kinda kills it, with the random dude doing a piano "cover." But I couldn't be bothered trying to find a version without it.

-m xx

Khaki and Leopard.

ZOMG could it be? is it? No really? an...

Outfit post?

Khaki Chiffon maxi skirt- Supre (yes. I know.)

Leopard print Dress, worn as bodice- Cotton On

Belt- Dorothy Perkins

Camera Necklace- Sportsgirl

World's most awesome shoes- Yaliana.

So I bought this skirt a few weeks ago. I love it. It is possibly the most awesome thing I own. It also comes in other colours- cream, black, and the less chic and more classically supre colours like bright yellow and pink (yes, really). On Sunday I decided I wanted to wear it. It was hanging on the back of a chair in my dining room (pictured above, rarely used for dining). It was surrounded by other clothes of mine, recently resurfaced from the washing machine. My mother has given up on placing them on my bed for me, for fear of tripping on any of the things generally strewn across my floor and breaking her neck. Now, draped casually over the skirt, was my leopard print dress.

Inspiration.

I wasn't sure if it would work, because the skirt of the dress does puff out a bit, but seeing the two together made me think they would look great together ON ME. I was very happy to see that the dress could be worn as a top without betraying its true identity to the outside world. And thus, an outfit was born. It kind of reminds me of Clueless, and one of Amber's many crazy outfits. In particular the one that looks like she walked through a jungle, during a war, in a strong wind and came out covered in leopard fur and soldiers clothing. Unfortunately I've searched for a still of it and nothing doing.

Now these shoes are possibly the most badass things I own. I love the irony in them- cute girly ballet flats with a bigass skull smacked onto them. Love it. They have a heaviness to them which is really satisfying- so that you can't forget that you've got skulls on your feet. And they are super comfy!

I don't really have plans for today (or any other) past posting this blog. And of course, the demise of my job coincides with the first empty weekend since I got back. I'm not kidding. every weekend has been packed, I've barely had any time to just chill and now? My house is chill town and I'm the disgruntled mayor. Good thing I'm rereading all of my Marian Keyes books at the moment. Losing myself in them and then finding ways to add Irish affectations into my every day jargon should keep me occupied. Seriously though, I said "so" at the END of a sentence the other day. Like, instead of "then." Mortified.

Ok to those who DON'T read Irish chick-lit that may not have made sense. So Irish people do this (grammatically incorrect, yet infectious) thing where they say "so" instead of "then." kind of like how Aussie teenagers like to come across as completely uneducated by saying "but" at the end of a sentence when there's a perfectly good word, known as "though," which is intended to be used in the embarrassing situation when you forget to say "but" before the rest of the sentence. Anyway, let me provide an example

Example 1: Australian conversation

Aussie 1: Oh I drove to the bbq today.

Aussie 2: Oh great, you can drive me home, then. I live down the road from you.

Example 2: Irish conversation

Mick 1: I drove to the pub today. I've only had a coupla pints.

Mick 2: Grand! You can drive me home, so.

(notice lack of "I live down the road from you" because Ireland is quite small, and there are pubs everywhere, so if you're at the same one, you probably live in the same building)

See? Doesn't make sense. It used to irritate me no end, but now I find it kind of... charming. Next I'll be saying things like "fair play to you" and "yoke" and "yer man over there" and "feck."

I'll feck off with myself, so

-m xx

P.s. If any Irish people read this and are, for some reason, offended- I do apologise. Me grandmammy's pa is as Irish as... Guinness and Waterford crystal combined. I have freckles and I LOVE potatoes. It's ok.

Not again...

I am jobless. Again. Not happy Jan.

Seriously though, I went into work today, feeling like I might have been sleeping with my eyes. Getting out of bed had been a challenge, I never sleep well on Sunday nights. Possibly because I still haven't gotten myself re-accustomed to sharing my bed with a cuddly, warm, occassionally snoring boy after 3months of single beds, and every time he moves I wake up, but most likely simply because it's Sunday and the knowledge that I have to wake up at 6am and go to work for the next 5 days and I really SHOULD get a good night's sleep for once, frightening the sleep out of me. Damn contrary brain.

Despite a general attitude of sleepiness and apathy, I managed to get two appointments before 12pm today. I was feeling pretty awesome. I could be lazy and barely work for the rest of the day and it wouldn't matter. OR I could try and reach the mystical number of magic and joy: 3. But, as it were, at 12:30pm we had an unusually-timed meeting.

I even commented with excitement on its unusual timing. The others in the room laughed nervously and looked grim. Apparently, on Friday, a day I'd skived off work to ensure there was enough time for lining up outside the Acer arena to get a good spot for Muse (only to almost pass out, but more on that later) we'd received word that Vodafone had cut their telesales budget, leaving nothing left for the Bizfone team. Bastards. So our wee 5-person team were all let go. Which explained why everyone looked like someone had died when I went into work this morning.

So I now have no job. Again. Which doesn't suck too much because I would have had my three-week christmas break pretty soon anyway so I'm not missing out on much pay in the end. But it's not really the best time to job hunt. I've noticed a few clothing shops in Chatswood are hiring, so I may do some trawling this week.

So, because I don't like the negative turn this blog has taken of late, here are some pictures. Happy ones.

Also as you may have noticed from the last photo, I went for a new hair colour. Less red. I was getting sick of the weird pinky browny colour it fades to.

Oh and yes, that is a hollowed out dildo being drunk out of.

all for now, but I'll be back soon, since I have no life now.

-m xx

F.O.D.

I went to bed mad last night. Never a nice option.
Most every night I listen to music as I fall asleep. Last night was no exception. Normally, I pick something quiet, such as my sleep playlist, Muse or Regina Spektor. Last night I picked Green Day's 1994 breakthrough album, Dookie. It's one of my go-to albums when I'm angry. Just the right amount of adolescent angst without creeping into the realms of emo.
Anyway, one particular song really caught my attention last night, so I figured it was time for a lyrics post.

F.O.D.- Green Day

Something's on my mind
It's been for quite some time
This time I'm on to you
So where's the other face?
The face I heard before
Your head trip's boring me

Let's nuke the bridge we torched
2,000 times before
This time we'll blast it all to hell
I've had this burning in my guts now
for so long
My belly's aching now to say

Stuck down in a rut of dislogic and smut
A side of you well hid
When it's all said and done
it's real and it's been fun
But was it all real fun?

Let's nuke the bridge we torched
2,000 times before
This time we'll blast it all to hell
I've felt this burning in my guts now
for so long
My belly's aching now to say

to say...

You're just...
a fuck.
I can't explain it 'cause I think you suck.
I'm tak-
-ing pride
in telling you to Fuck Off and Die.

I've had this burning in my guts now
for so long
My belly's aching now to say
I'm taking pleasure in the doubts
I've passed to you
So listen up as you bite thisssss...

You're just...
a fuck.
I can't explain it 'cause I think you suck.
I'm tak-
-ing pride,
in telling you to Fuck Off and Die.

Good Night.


Perfect for the kind of anger where you can't even find words for it. Some people like to listen to calm music when they're angry, to make them feel relaxed. I prefer to listen to music that echoes how I'm feeling. It's satisfying to know that someone else has felt something similar. It really helps bring the emoitons forward so you can release them, whereas calming music just pushes them back and you only end up feeling them in a more intesified way later. Well, for me anyway.

I have some photos that are meant to be coming. I shot a gig for Marlow on the weekend, but I'm too scared to upload my photos because I've just gotten a security warning about the 300 trojans on my C and D drives. I'm too scared to remove them in case they remove the whole files, not just the trojany bit, and if that happens, I'll get blamed when Dad gets home. So I'll let him do it.

All for now
-m xx

31

Yesterday was one month since I got home.
What have I done in those 31 days?

Gone to Mary's. 3 times.
Gone to the movies. Twice.
Gone to Melbourne for the first time in my discernable mermory.
Gone to a horse race for the first time EVAH
Painted my nails. 5 times.
Bought stuff. lots.
Turned 19.
Gotten a job.
Gotten paid.
Fucked up my tax form and had 24% witheld on my weekly pay.
Pretended to shoot things with my pistol ring. Countless times. Especially J and the phone at work.
Eaten Thai food. three times.
Bought shoes with skulls on them.
Replaced my stolen wallet.
Stroked things in mimco.
Rang Gucci Australia to offer them vodafone services.
Been asked by an American if we celebrate thanksgiving in Australia. Really?
Given the "...Really?" face to a stupid American
Realised that even if I was American I probably wouldn't celebrate it because I don't like turkey or slaughtering indigenous peoples.
Drank Australian Shiraz. Many times.
Snapped about the misuse of the word "ironic" in a Shane Dawson video
Researched irony on wikipedia.
Considered buyiong Alanis Morrisset a dictionary.
Watched Top Model.
Counted down for Gossip Girl to start.
Seen Hairspray.
Walked. A lot.
Slept in my own bed.
Gotten a proper tan. Not that temporary European shit.\
Realised life would be a lot more awesome if the Eastern half of Australia was acutally part of Europe.
Inhaled a fair amount of bush fire smoke

So I've run out of stuff. It's hot, humid and there a bush fires somewhere. I love the smell but it just makes me tired breathing in smoke all day. I've got my first gig in God knows how long tonight. Not a Ramshackle one, they're currently devoid of a drummer. J's brothers band, Marlow. Me and Derek are quite excited.

I went shopping yesterday. Like a proper shop instead of the sporadic purchases I've made so far. I'm quite excited because I've finally added some khaki into my wardrobe, in the form of a chiffon maxi skirt, shamefully bought from Sluthut (Supre) and a badass army chick drapey vest thing with ZIPPERS! I've realised though that I need some nude staples as all of my outfits are black and colour based. I'm lusting after beiges, dusty pinks and soft coffee tones. That's my next mission.

All for now
-m xx

Dear Alanis Morrisset

(and anyone else it may concern.)

"Irony (from the Ancient Greek εἰρωνεία eirōneía, meaning dissimulation or feigned ignorance)[1] is a rhetorical device, literary technique, or situation in which there is a sharp incongruity or discordance that goes beyond the simple and evident intention of words or actions."

examples of irony:

"When John Hinckley attempted to assassinate Ronald Reagan, all of his shots initially missed the President; however, a bullet ricocheted off the bullet-proof Presidential limousine and struck Reagan in the chest. Thus, a vehicle made to protect the President from gunfire was partially responsible for his being shot." (situational irony)

"In O. Henry's story The Gift of the Magi, a young couple are too poor to buy each other Christmas gifts. The wife cuts off her treasured hair to sell it to a wig-maker for money to buy her husband a chain for his heirloom pocket watch. She's shocked when she learns he had pawned his watch to buy her a set of combs for her long, beautiful, prized hair." (cosmic irony)

"Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice begins with the proposition “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” In fact, it soon becomes clear that Austen means the opposite: women (or their mothers) are always in search of, and desperately on the lookout for, a rich single man to make a husband." (comic irony...(not to be confused with cosmic))

"Verbal irony is distinguished from situational irony and dramatic irony in that it is produced intentionally by speakers. For instance, if a man exclaims, “I’m not upset!” but reveals an upset emotional state through his voice while truly trying to claim he's not upset, it would not be verbal irony by virtue of its verbal manifestation (it would, however, be situational irony). But if the same speaker said the same words and intended to communicate that he was upset by claiming he was not, the utterance would be verbal irony."

Now, Alanis, pay extra special attention here:

"The majority of American Heritage Dictionary’s usage panel found it unacceptable to use the word ironic to describe mere unfortunate coincidences or surprising disappointments*"

*such as: your lyrics.

A super old dude dying is not ironic. 98 year olds die a lot. most people die before they get there. Winning the lottery does not make you immortal, it just means you got some lucky sons-of-bitches inheriting all kinds of awesome and win.

A fly in you chardonay is not ironic. At all. It can't even come close to being confused with it. It just kinda sucks. but only kinda, because, here's the important part, YOU CAN PICK THE FLY OUT AND DRINK IT ANYWAY! WHO WASTES GOOD WINE?

"Ten thousand spoons, when all you need is a knife." Ok Alanis. I can only assume this is a metaphor, because nobody has that many spoons. But needing a knife at not having one is not ironic. If, perhaps, the day before this knife-requiring incident, you'd thought "hey, I never use knives" and sold all of your knives to buy a plethora of spoons and then went "shit, i need a knife now" that would be irony. cosmic irony to be precise. like when I mailed all of my socks home because I only had ballet flats in Europe and then bought ankle boots 20min later, having to then buy socks.

Basically Alanis, get over it. The only certainty in life is death. Apparently at the age of 98 after winning the lottery.

This has been a public service announcement.

-m xx

p.s. quotes from wiki. Imma researchin'

I may have to get a new job...

It was torture enough when I discovered the mimco store in Chatswood Chase after work yesterday. Especially considering I finish work at 4 WHEN IT'S STILL OPEN. But it gets worse.

Every day, I walk past sunglass hut. It has windows. With display shelves. And they put the chanels at the front.

I've fallen in love.

Could they be any more magnificent? And if you're excited now, they come in other colours! orange, blue, pale pink, clear and the practical black.

Even the black has something to draw your eyes in!

The one tiny insignificant hiccup in the magic that is the Chanel CC4182s? The price tag. $490 in store. I did a bit of hunting online and have found a website that sells them for about $360. But with everything I want to buy RIGHT NOW and everything else coming up- fucking up my tax form so I missed out on $85 this week, Christmas, starting TAFE, not being able to work full time next year, owing my sister the equivalent of about 6 weeks pay etc. etc. they may just be a bit of a pipe dream. That doesn't stop me going into the store after work tomorrow and seeing how they look though, does it? I could get lucky, they might look terrible. One can only hope...

In the mean time, I do have $300 birthday money to spend without guilt. My current plan is Tony Bianco pumps (I get 30% as a birthday gift for being a VIP member) and a mimco wallet (yes, I know. Just because I need a proper wallet doesn't make it neccessary to spend $200+ on a wallet but I WANT one, you see?)

I'll be back soon! Friday if not before.

-m xx

It's that time of year again

Top model favourite picking!
This year has been tougher, my favourite from the first episode, based on looks, turned out to be a mad psycho bitch liar who never turned out that spectacular shot that I'd foreseen of her. And she was raised in a cult. And had a shaved head so her makeover consisted of them bleaching her eyebrows. (Oh Tyra, you so predictable)

Naduah.

She had so much potential, but she only dissappointed me...

So, on to my updated favourite. I was first drawn to her because of her eyebrows. Then they darkened her hair, and Tyra didn't do a thing to her brows because they were "perfect" (my family think we're both crazy but I guess me and Tyra know where it's at?) Then, she got in front of the camera. And she's AHmazing.

Raina.

I. Can't. Look. Away.

Also performing well is Alasia. But I just can't love her, despite her turning out some of the best photos so far. She's just too much of a crazy bitch. Always having the last word and all that.

Alasia.

Also, cannot wait till the 30th, when Gossip Girl s4 hits Aussia TV screens. Tuesday nights will be restored to their summer glory- ANTM and GG in one night? Oh Fox 8 I love you.

-m xx

p.s. I'm 19. I got a Pandora and some other cool shit. Can't wait to spend my moneyz

With my first pay in close to four months, my birthday and Christmas all around the corner, I've already started some planning for the hardcore spending I will need to do. I mean, having too much spare cash lying around just isn't safe, is it?

Right now, my focus is trained mostly on accesories, particularly mimco. Possibly due to the fact that I almost ruined my mimco shoes at the Melbourne cup, but maybe "needing" a replacement item is just my excuse to drool over the wee beauties.

Here's just a few things on my possibly-buying-when-I-have-lots-of-money list:

In the bag.

It's all in the details.

Ah, my pretties...

Mimco out of your price range? May I recommend Mouche, this gorgeous little accessory brand I discovered in Chatswood (See North Shore kids? Chatswood has some good stuff). Mark my words, it's the next mimco. I fell in love with one particular bag there. I love skulls. I also love studs. I also love envelope-clutch-type-things. This bag, is all of those and so much more! Yes. It is an envelope-clutch-type-thing with SKULL SHAPED STUDS. It is seriously amazeballs. i tried to find a photo but their website appears to be under construction. At $180, it's a lot more affordable than most mimco bags. They also have some seriously awesome quirky jewellery, as low as $14! That store is daaaangerous. But when I get some money, possibly next week even, that skull-stud bag is so mine. It'll do nicely as a temporary fix while I save up a bit more for some sweet, sweet mimco.

-m xx

Oh noes!

Something has happened to my layout. I don't know why. But they've changed the simple template or something. And my header is now skinnier than Rachel Zoe and not at all centred. I am annoyed. If anyone knows a css code to fix this, pleeeaaase tell me?



Anyway. I start my new job tomorrow, how exciting.

Last night I watched the first two Harry Potter movies. Something caught my eye in the first one, the scene when Harry receives his first letter. It wasn't 11 yr Old Daniel Radcliffe's bumfluff pre-puberty mo. I noticed that a bit later.
No, it was Dudley's Smeltings boater hat.

Want. Now.

I've been on the look out for good summer hats. mostly I've had my eye on straw trilbies, but I have noticed a bit of a theme with boaters in some stores. None had quite the same effect as young Dudley's here. So it's my new mission, to find a flat, wide boater. And with the hot summer sun and lack of ozone down under, they're practical too!

Mind you, a good classic straw trilby wouldn't go astray either.

-m xx