Bewbs.

I went bra shopping the other day for the first time in over a year. And I've learnt why I avoided it for so long. It's just so ridiculous. Every shop is entirely different and it's impossible to even know where to begin! For me, price is a huge priority- it absolutely disgusts me that an item that 50% of the population wear every day can cost so much. Especially considering there isn't exactly a whole lot of material involved.

Because of my cheapness, the first place I tend to look is Cotton On Body. Or at least it was. Having measured myself as a 10D-DD, I went straight there, because it was the only place I knew of that stocked bras of that size for less than $40. In I went, feeling optimistic about leaving my life of ill-fitting lingerie behind, and plucked both sizes off the rack. Knowing that it's always best to go for the larger when you're between sizes, I tried the DD first. To my surprise and disappointment, it was too small. In the cup. Around the back, it fit perfectly. Having worn a 12C for the last year I was happy to actually feel the back strap touching me, instead of this odd piece of material swinging from my shoulders. But I was undeniably suffering from double-boob syndrome- where a bra cup is too small and pushes everything up and over, creating a looovely bump effect.

Disheartened, I gave up. I couldn't afford to spend more than $10 or $15 on a bra and had no idea where else to look. But last weekend, after a few days of shopping online for entirely unnecessary items such as tutus and capes, I realise I miraculously still had some extra cash so I decided to try again. First, after such fun with the online browsing I found a 10DD plain black bra on ebay (new, not second hand. Ew) for $25 including express postage. Then, I went to Target, because I knew they stocked some brands such as Lovable, which my 10DD grandmother has told me is the only brand that fits her properly. Miraculously, they even had some in their own line so I grabbed a few and trotted to the change room full of optimism.

Now, the thing I hate most about bra shopping is trying them on. It's just so tedious. Getting practically nekkid, throwing one on, adjusting the straps, loosening/tightening the back, leaning forward and jiggling the bits into place (Really. The signs on the change room door even recommend it.) and examining from all angles to find out that no- this one doesn't fit either. Saturday was no exception.

A word to the wise: Target bras are really small in the back. My skin turned red trying on the 10s. After spending 20 minutes finding and trying on a handful of bras I had to start again. This time I only grabbed one, figuring the sizes would be consistent. I went for the 12D and though I wasn't certain it was quite big enough in the cup I really didn't want to face the change room attendant again so I just went with it and bought a few.

$70 later, I have three bras that sort of fit. But I'm a damn sight better off than I was before. Studies show that over 80% of women wear the wrong size bra and well, how can that be surprising when there's no standard in sizing? Every store has different measurements. Even if you do find a size that fits, it isn't long before the shoulder and back straps stretch to the point that they no longer do. If you're blessed with a larger chest (ooh she rhymes) you're forced to spend more than those who aren't so "lucky"- it's hardly luck to have trouble finding a bra that even fits on top of all the other problems that large busted women have to endure and I now, to a point, understand. After 5 years of being a 10B-C and rolling my eyes whenever someone with unassisted cleavage complained about how annoying it is to have more than a handful, I finally get it.

-m xx

 

This time last year I was doing some last minute packing.

On the 28th of July 2010 I went to Europe. My three month adventure started in Paris and ended in Frankfurt, hitting all points around and in between. It really puts life in perspective to think about how little I've done since I've been back. And I haven't even finished paying off my debts! ($700 to go, which should be $300 as of tomorrow).

We spend our lives waiting for life to become what we want it to be. I spend my mornings at work waiting for my lunch break, my afternoons waiting for 5 o'clock. Each day at work I'm counting down till my next day off, or the weekend. I spend so much time waiting for the weekend and all of a sudden it's Monday morning again.

Today I'm waiting to get paid so I can buy more things online! I just won a super cute tutu-skirted dress for $31.50 including postage (I had it at $17.50 but someone bumped my bid up, bitches) and I can't pay for it until tomorrow. I'm also wishing I did something a little more constructive than spend the whole day watching Ugly Betty.

On a more positive note I'm planning my next trip. And soon I'll be able to start saving for it. Admitedly it's not going to be untill the end of next year but hey- long term goals and all that.

Vid of the Week: Jenna Marbles shits on my ability to make Cookies

If you saw my cookie recipe on Wednesday you should know that I am a pretty boss cookie maker. Seriously your mind was probably blown after you followed that recipe and made your own cookies.

Immediately after posting I hopped over to the tube of you and went to Jenna Marbles channel to check out what she's doing. And the random video that popped up and played automatically?

This:

Yep. Her cookie recipe beats my cookie recipe.

Maybe I should have got my boobs out? Or made fun of a political figure? I don't know but Jenna Marbles has become my new favourite youtuber so expect more videos. I know you're not complaining because she's hot as fuck. Even if her bra is too small.

The Dangers of Boredom

I have a problem.

I can't be entertained simply by watching something. It's like I need to keep my hands busy or something. Normally this results in excessive eating and facebooking. Wednesday however, I decided it was a good idea to browse on ebay. And so it began.

It's like I can't stop shopping online! I've bought a camel cape, a silver circle skirt, a bra (yes a bra. Off ebay. But it was $24 including express postage and it's virtually impossible to find bra in my size for less than like $40. If this works I'll never have to go to BnT again!) and I'm bidding on a cute little tut skirted dress thing which is currently only costing me $17.50 including postage- here's hoping no douchebag comes along and bumps up my bid. Add that to the other things I'm watching and considering buying and the fact that half of my underwear has holes in it we're looking at a fair amount of spending. But at least my wardrobe will be happy.

The good news is I worked 7 days last fortnight and got a bunch of bookings so I'll be getting paid lots next week. Better news is I'm down to $700 debt and only 2 pays or 3 weeks away from paying it all off! Yay! And I've still got my tax return around the corner. It feels weird to have spare money but I better get used to it. Maybe I should start selling some things to make up for the things I'm buying.

Well I'm only posting to resist spending more money so maybe I should go do something more constructive like my next assignment.

-m xx

The Perfect Cookie

I baked cookies today. I'm pretty proud of myself. Not for my baking efforts but because I actually managed to get the cookie dough on the tray and in the oven, instead of eating it all like I normally do. Admittedly I bought two packets and ate the other one raw along with about a third of this one, but still. I baked.

A lot of people out there don't know how to make the perfect cookie. And, as amazing as those home brand choc chip cookies are, there's nothing like the fresh-from-the-oven-gooey-melty-chocolaty-goodness that is a home baked cookie. So here are my tips:

1. Buy packet cookie dough. Sure you could make your own dough, but when it comes ready made in the refrigerated aisle at Woolworths for the low low price of $4, why make it yourself? If you're reading this thinking that you're a top shit cookie dough maker and you don't need Aunty Kath's Home bake chocolate chip cookie dough, I suggest you stop reading. This is not the recipe for you. Go buy a Donna Hay magazine or something. Wanker.

2. Read the instructions on the packet. This is extremely important, because otherwise, you wouldn't know how to turn this delicious log of mush into a delicious pile of cookies, see? If you followed my advice, and went for Aunty Kath's, you don't need the instructions- you have me!

3. Open the packet. i do this by cutting off the end with scissors.

4. Test the cookie dough. Do this by tearing off a chunk and putting it in your mouth. I recommend chewing, but that method isn't for everyone. You need to make sure the cookie dough is both scrumptious, adequately chocolaty and NOT POISONOUS. That last part is very important. If you require more chips in your dough, you can get real creative and add your own! I recommend Chocolate Melts. they're huge, sickeningly sweet and highly addictive, which is handy because they come in a bag of about 22,000. If your dough is poisonous, I recommend trying a different brand.

5. Pre-heat your oven to 180 degrees Celsius. If you use Fahrenheit, it's probably about 6,000,000,000. Give or take a few, my conversions aren't up to scratch. If you use a fan force oven you're pretty fucking special. The packet says 160 but I can't guarantee effective results because I haven't tested THAT method.

6. Grease a large, flat, cookie-appropriate baking tray. You may use the retro method of paper towel and butter like I did or you can use fancy schmancy canola oil SPRAY which I unfortunately threw out recently because it was starting to smell like butane. Baking paper is for douche bags.

7. Tear off small chunks and place them on the tray, with about 5cm space between them. Do not flatten the dough, it will spread and you'll regret it. Little balls of tasty perfection are what we aim for in the baking preparation process.

8. If you fill up the tray and have dough remaining you have two options:
a) Get another tray. Repeat until dough is used up.

b) Eat the dough. Come on. You know you want to.

9. Place the tray in the oven and double check your temperature is set correctly. I always do this because i don't actually look when I turn it on for pre-heating. I'm just that reckless.

10. If you like soft cookies, set the timer for 11 minutes. Yes. 11 minutes. If you don't have a timer, watch the clock like a fucking hawk. Seriously. There's nothing sadder than burnt cookies.

11. When the 11 minutes are up, open the oven and check your cookies. They will still be liquid, but if you gently stroke them (mm yeah like that) you will notice the surface has a slight crispness to it. More like the film that forms over soup when it cools down than anything else. The cookies are ready. Don't be fooled by their rawness- they will continue to cook when you take them out and harden as they cool. Don't second guess my advice and leave them in longer or you will end up with crunchy cookies. Or you may burn them. Nobody wants either of those things.

12. If you like crunchy cookies. Fuck off.

13. Seriously. What is wrong with you?

14. Check out that sexy photo of me eating a cookie. I took it myself. Skillsssss

15. Leave the cookies for a while so they can cool. After some time, they should become the perfect cookie- crispish on the outside, soft and doughy on the inside and mouth-wateringly yummeh.

16. Eat the cookies. It's best to take them off the tray first, but each to their own. If you followed these instructions TO THE LETTER and you're cookies are still crap, I take no responsibility. You just must be a shitty baker.

-m xx

Vid of the Week: The Origin of Love

Me and J watched Hedwig and the Angry Inch last weekend. If you haven't seen it, it's a truly amazing film based on the off-broadway musical. Long story short it follows the story of Hansel, a boy from East berlin, who after a failed sex change becomes Hedwig, marries and American GI, moves to Kansas, gets divorced, forms a band ans falls in love with a religious teenager who, after they breakup, takes all her songs and claims them as his own, hitting big time with the music and image that that were created for him.

I used it as an extra text in year 12, with our topic being "belonging" and was told that a story about a sex change wasn't complex enough. My teacher hadn't seen the movie and my essay couldn't do the story justice, I guess.

Anyway, if you haven't seen it- do. It's fab. So, in the spirit of this fabulous movie, here is one of my favourite scenes/songs from it.

 I could swear by your expression

that the pain down in your soul

was the same

as the one down in mine.

That's the pain

that cuts a straight line down through the heart.

We called it love.

You may notice I've mentioned this song before in a previous post because it was the inspiration for one of my short stories.

-m xx

What I've done in the last 7 Days

Worked
Watched Ugly Betty. A lot.
Held back the tears when Santos died in Ugly Betty. Mostly.
Had lunch at Slices with Kate.
Went on a Vinnie's/Salvos crawl with Kate.
Bought Fendi shoes from Gladesville Vinnie's. For $18. Who cares if only the right shoes fits?
Googled whether Lafayette from True Blood is really gay.
He's not. Anyone else shocked/impressed?
Spent the day in Richmond.
Had a photo shoot for a band. On a farm.
Gotten paid. Win.
Gone to a house warming party.
Not been allowed inside at a house warming party.
Freezing my tits off in the backyard at a house warming party. Oh irony...
Fought off hypothermia. Possibly.
Not slept in.
Gotten my first hair cut in a year and a half.
Had sushi train.
Procrastinated.
Looked up Fendi shoes on ebay to see how much they go for.
Realised my new fringe is longer on one side.
Rearranged my bedroom furniture.
Had dinner at West Ryde hotel.
Bought Pictures magazine off the Indian guy at 7/11 because everyone else was too chicken.
Looked in awe at all the regular looking, not-photo-shopped (completely naked) girls in Pictures magazine.
Felt good about my nipple to boob ratio.
Worked more.
Attempted to even out my new fringe.
Accidentally trimmed my eyelashes as well.
Rekindled a love for my leather shorts by realising I could cover their embarrassingly high waistedness with one of my many baggy jumpers.
Had dinner and cocktails at Blackbirds Cafe in Darling Harbour.
Received compliments on my leather shorts. Until I showed the waistline off...
Gossiped.
Been told I look Japanese with my new fringe. By a Chinese woman. Thanks.
Slept in.
Sorted through aforementioned band photos.
Realised I don't have any envelopes big enough to mail a DVD.
Started my photo-journalism assignment.
Finished my photojournalism assignment. In less time than this blog post is taking.
Thought about making a pizza for lunch...
Wrote a list.

That sums it up basically. I really enjoy writing these lists. They're just so much fun! Expect to see more of them because I'm not a fan of proof-reading and these lists don't even need it!

I've got a fairly exciting weekend ahead. Due to psycho-(sort of)step-mums and people moving to the central coast, J is temporarily without a place to live so he's moving in to my newly enlarged bedroom this weekend. Yay! He'll be here until him and his brother find an apartment to rent so it could be anywhere from a few weeks to... well never. I'm pretty excited about having him around all the time, especially since my bedroom now has plenty of space for the clothing and other belongings of two people. I moved my furniture so that all the empty space is in one spot, instead of being spread around and it makes a huge difference.

I was going to add photos but I'd have to actually take some and I really can't be screwed.

That's about all for now. I'm going to make myself a pizza and watch more Ugly Betty.

-m xx

Vid of the Week: "I'm Chocolating to Death"

Yes. It's another interactive video. Oh come on, you all love them. I was originally hoping to avoid the Shae Dawson channel for my vids of the week, because, let's face it, I've posted plenty. But this is just too good.

Because everybody loves Final Destination. Play the game!

I really feel like watching Final Destination now. I never did get around to seeing the third one...

-m xx



Why I'll never be a Photojournalist

I'm having trouble with an assignment.

Honestly I can't even think of where to start. Maybe the fact I keep watching countless episodes of Ugly Betty and painting my nails on my days off isn't exactly helping but honestly, I'm stuck and it is TOO easy to find excuses.
My current assignment is a photojournalism task. Which involves taking a photo and writing an accompanying 500 word story to it. Firstly, I'm doing a certificate of photography so I don't see why I need to write a story. I mean, they'll only be marking me on how well the photo relates to the words so would it not make more sense to give me a text and instruct me to take an accompanying photo? Secondly, 500 words? That is such an awkward length. Too long for a meaningless fluff piece and too short for an actual story. Thirdly, this task is not specific enough. Do they expect a factual article or a narrative style?

So with no real starting point other than "take a photo and write a story" I am, understandably, unsure of where to start. I've looked through my archives and the thing with photojournalism is something has to actually be happening in the photo. I've realised I don't have a whole lot of photos that fit that description. I've found three that I think make good photojournalism, two of which involve pigeons but turning any of them into a story is proving a wee bit of a challenge. I mean, how can I write 500 words about pigeons?

The other day, on my way to work I saw one of Sydney's regular homeless men, begging in the prayer position at the George/Park/Druitt st. intersection (Sydneysiders- you probably know the one I mean. Not many people in Australia beg in the prayer position.) with a cigarette in his hand. I mean, who would give money to a SMOKING beggar? You know exactly what they spend their money on, and it's something that will most likely kill them. Now, if I had my SLR with me for some reason I could have gotten a perfect shot for this assignment. But I know if I went to the effort of lugging my SLR to Darlinghurst and back on the off chance that he's a) there and b) smoking, all I'd end up with is a sore shoulder.
So, short of paying a homeless person to smoke while I take photos, for an assignment that I'll probably get an A for no matter what I do, seems a little ridiculous. So that brings me back to my three original photos: pigeons, a man running to avoid having his photo taken, and pigeons. So here they are! Now readers, this is where you come in, if any strange, inspired person sees this and can come up with a little bit of inspiration for a story that may fit one of these shots, please- thrown me a bone.

Luckily, I'm halfway through my NEXT assignment and already have some idea of what I'm doing for my final so it looks like the perfect transcript could still be mine.

-m xx

p.s. I've got a promo/portrait shoot for Sydney band Minus House coming up this weekend. I'm extremely excited because it's been about a year since my last promo shoot AND it's paid work AND there's going to be paint involved. The boys seem to have their ideas pretty sorted which means less stress for me and less being yelled at for them (not that I would yell at clients. I'm a professional). Anyway, look out for those on my photo blog in the next week or so.

Vid of the Week: Patty Cake Cats

Ok so I'll admit, those videos where they caption animals are rarely funny. The captions are always stupid and over done and this video is no exception. But just watching the cats is hilarious...

Seriously. Why are these cats doing this? People have asked me if the second cat is actually a mirror.
I mean, are these cats high?

I gotta get me some catnip...

-m xx